Monday, September 29, 2008

Waking dreams

This one i wrote as an epilogue kinda thing to both Maybe and Fear(the last 2 poems)...I am quite proud of it because I thought it came out well..

I hoped for too much
Too soon.
I knew it wouldn't last
But it still hurt when it ended.
I saw the warm brown eyes
Still smiling.
The hand in mine
Still warm,
Still guiding me.
I could finally see
The light at the end of the tunnel.
Bit in an instant
I turned smiling
Only to find
Blackness again.
No more warmth.
It had all been
An illusion,
A trick my mind
Was playing on me.
And I felt the crushing weight return
To block out the light.

I stood in front of the mirror,
Saw a reflection,
I reached my fingers out,
To touch the smooth glass,
Hoping the person in it,
The smiling, hopeful person there,
Wouldn't fade away.
But the mirror shattered
Into a thousand, million fragments
And I realised
That I had been fooled again.

I had let myself believe,
And trust,
Only to have everything taken away
Only to realise that
There was never a silver lining
Never a light to end the darkness.
It had been an obscene joke,
Played by my mind.

I stand in the rain,
Feeling the splattering drops
Prick my skin
Like a thousand needles.
But the pain is nothing
Compared to the agony inside.
I hope the rain can wash me away.
I want to disintegrate
And flow away in the raging water.
If only,
To ease the ache.
Because I know now,
That life and reality are illusions
And trust and hope are weaknesses
And that all I have left inside
Are miniscule fragments
Of my heart and soul,
Which can never be put back


I had written a poem before fear... I had actually planned to write more after the last line but eventually left it as it was.

All I see is darkness.
I am sinking
Falling through space.
For the light at
The end of the tunnel.
Any glimmer of hope
In the sea of despair.
I'd almost given up
And let go...
Then I felt it,
A hand in mine
Pulling me up
Guiding me.
I looked for a face
And then I saw them,
Warm brown eyes
Reassuring me that
All wasn't lost.
Encouraging me to
Hold on a little while longer.
Showing me that
I wasn't alone
And that someone cared..
Telling me that
When I needed help
I would find it.
I only had to trust...

Monday, September 22, 2008

The haunted mansion.

A story I wrote a little while back. I thought it came out quite well...

"Geoffrey, Geoffrey, I need you now. Where has that butler disappeared again? He is never here when I need him. He must have dozed off again. He was never so irresponsible."
"Madam, you called?"
"Yes Geoffrey, it is time for my tea. Have you forgotten?"
"I'm sorry, madam. I'll be back in a minute."

I walked towards the library, my favourite place in Windsor Manor. The Manor is my home and has been for a long time. It was built by my great great grandfather, Sir Bertram Wooster. I grew up here and spent my happiest times here. I found my favourite armchair and picked up my much thumbed copy of Pride and Prejudice. Mr.Darcy was always my favourite character. I always dreamt of marrying a man as handsome and mysterious as him.

Thinking of Mr.Darcy brought back a lot of memories of Him. His name was Lyle Kennedy and he was the most handsome man I'd ever seen. Beautiful blonde hair styled in the latest fashion of those times, soft grey eyes as spellbinding as the overcast sky in November. I was 18 when I met him, full of childish hopes and dreams and his eyes stole my breath away the instant I saw him.

I laugh now, thinking of the way I used to dress up for him. My best blue dress, my corset pulled so tight I had difficulty breathing, blue ribbons in my strawberry blonde hair; I was the belle of the county. Boys used to line up to dance with me but my heart belonged to someone else. My heart used to flutter everytime Lyle spoke to me and I caught my breath everytime I gazed into his captivating grey eyes.

I still remember every conversation we had, every walk we took along the borders of Wisteria Forest, the pink rose he gave me everytime he saw me..... all those happy times. I was a child, carried away be by his intoxicating conversation. I built castles in the air never expecting them to come crashing down so unexpectedly. I still blush when I remember those words, "Love, I am like the wind, never still. But you have captured the wind and made it want to stay forever in your little hands."

I was angry at him for going away so soon. "I have to fight, darling. The country is at war. They need all the help they can get. Dont't worry, you will be forever mine," he whispered before he galloped away. I looked till I could see him no more and then spent everyday waiting for him to come back. My heart would leap with joy whenever I saw a man on a horse and thensink again when I realised it wasn't him. I stopped singing or dancing and would read his love letters over and over again.

Then he was back. Lieutanant Lyle Kennedy. my darling was home and I vould smile again. But I sensed a change. He would suddenly stare away vacantly and his mesmerising grey eyes would fill with sadness. I tried to understand his pain but 21 year old baby that I was, I couldn't lift him out of his sadness. His smile never touched his eyes and it seemed like my Lyle was gone.

I remember every minute of that fateful day when my castles shattered. I was in the library in this very chair when Geoffrey came in and said,"Madam, something has happened." My heart stopped and I ran out to see Lyle on the ground, eyes closed, chest cstill. I refused to believe that he would never talk again.. I was shocked into oblivion. :He was riding and fell off his horse. he broke his neck. he died instantly and there was no pain." All those words stabbed at me like knives. It was my fault. I couldn't keep the wind from blowing far away. Hewas gone, never to come back. he came like a rush of emotions and left like a forgotten dream. I think I fainted and I remember them carrying me to my bed. All I could see were his closed eyes, his mouth which would never smile again. All I could hear were the words, "Forever mine."

"Madam, the tea is here."

I think I must have dozed off. My eyes were wet, I had been crying again. I sipped my tea and Geoffrey lit the fire.

Everyone left after that day. They went away never to come back. Only Geoffrey stayed to take care of me. I stayed on in this house never to leave. How could I? It was the only place I was ever happy. It was the only place I knew.

The tourists were back. I could hear the guide explaining the history of my home, my life. They reached the library and all of them screamed at the same time. they turned and ran away screaming, "ghost, ghost!!!" for that is what I am. Death by shock they said. Death because of heartbreak I say......

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Some lines I think are worth sharing..

These are some lines that i made up. I think they sound nice...

Some rules are meant to be followed,
Some promises meant to be kept
And some hearts meant to be left whole...

It is when you dont look at all that you find what you need..

The promised land will find you if you deserve to find it..

We will meet
Some other time
Another place
Some same old thoughts
Another face...

These are some things i have read or heard or someone has told me..

He came like a rush of emotions and left like a forgotten dream.

Better than to scorn is to destroy and recreate.

Where the mystery of love stops,
The romance begins
It is good to live afresh each moment
With an unsuspecting thorn or kiss around the bend
Than to live in a land of make believe bliss...

Words are almost always too simple to express emotions, because emotions aren't love and hate, they are not just black or white, they are as enigmatic as the very soul itself, but they are damnably beautiful.

Life is like a book waiting to be edited, where the nice parts are bound to be cut out.

This was a collaboration between Sameer and me..

You and i are just a line in the book of history,
Not even a line,we are the space between words.
True..but an integral space without which the words would not make sense.
we are the silence after and before the storm
Without realising it is us who causes the storm
We are the silence and the creators of storms
We are instruments, we are the notes which make up the tune
...the tune of life...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Wrote this one last night... Its actually quite bad and repetitive...

I am living a dream
Everything is too good to be true
Life seems worth living.
I'm afraid to open my eyes
I'm scared it will disappear
Like everything else.
I don't want to wake up
To the same gloom and despair
Of life that chains me
With bonds of sadness.
I am afraid everything will vanish
In a flash of blinding light
Leaving me alone and friendless again.
I dont want to go back
To my world of tears and pain.
I know the dream will end
The beauty will dissolve
The ache will return.
I want to hold on
To that vision
Of what could have been
But never will be.....