Thursday, July 16, 2009

...............................

Again a lot of mixed random thoughts. So many things I want to say, no right words and no right way to say them.

There are so many thoughts going through my head. An idea emerges but before I can hold on to it and get it down properly on paper, it vanishes.
So many different people, so many different viewpoints..... Life has changed and I know that in some way, I have changed too. I hold to my viewpoints more fiercely but I am more open to what others think too.
Lessons, experiences, oppurtunities.....
I think more and analyse things too. Would something I say make a difference? Is embarassing myself worth making new friends, making people laugh? Being known as a goofball, always laughing around, loud - I wonder if that is who I am.... But then I answer my own question, that is definitely who i am now. It might not be who I was before, but now.... I like the way I am.
Then again, so much talent, it scares me. I feel inadequate, worthless and very very tiny. I always knew that whatever I was good at, someone would always be better. But actually seeing it happen while I just sat there, lost, was hard. I felt like some sort of a traitor saying I was good at something and then seeing how dedicated someone else was. Seeing someone who loved and enjoyed what they were doing while forgetting everything else, made me feel like I had absolutely no right whatsoever to claim I was good at something.
Well, I'm open to more experiences now and though sometimes I get extremely nervous I think I should just go for it.

5 comments:

RAJ said...

i don't hv the right words & right way to express my feeling aft reading "............."
But i can express 1 thg RUN Ayesha RUN.....

Ayesha said...

Why run? *confused*

RAJ said...

i read 4 articls of u which draw me to the thought that ur close to my thinking,so taking some advantage i wrote "run ayesha run"...which means run towards experiences ,instead of halting
(To stand in doubt whether to proceed or what to do? to hesitate)As the futures are widely divergent from encounter to encounter.


You beautifully and eloquently expressed what exactly i felt like this before in my heart...,
In this "............................."!!!

RAJ said...

i just gave my vote ......... wht u concluded finally and nothing els......anyways i'm writing an artical on the concept of "RUN" soon, so u will get good clarification then.if still confusion persists... ...................
By the way i'm STALIN RAJESH.C

Ayesha said...

Thank you for your comments :)