Again a lot of mixed random thoughts. So many things I want to say, no right words and no right way to say them.
There are so many thoughts going through my head. An idea emerges but before I can hold on to it and get it down properly on paper, it vanishes.
So many different people, so many different viewpoints..... Life has changed and I know that in some way, I have changed too. I hold to my viewpoints more fiercely but I am more open to what others think too.
Lessons, experiences, oppurtunities.....
I think more and analyse things too. Would something I say make a difference? Is embarassing myself worth making new friends, making people laugh? Being known as a goofball, always laughing around, loud - I wonder if that is who I am.... But then I answer my own question, that is definitely who i am now. It might not be who I was before, but now.... I like the way I am.
Then again, so much talent, it scares me. I feel inadequate, worthless and very very tiny. I always knew that whatever I was good at, someone would always be better. But actually seeing it happen while I just sat there, lost, was hard. I felt like some sort of a traitor saying I was good at something and then seeing how dedicated someone else was. Seeing someone who loved and enjoyed what they were doing while forgetting everything else, made me feel like I had absolutely no right whatsoever to claim I was good at something.
Well, I'm open to more experiences now and though sometimes I get extremely nervous I think I should just go for it.