Remember that train I was talking about?
The one that was going to crash into the concrete wall?
And how I wondered whether it made sense to get off or just enjoy the ride?
Well, I stuck on. Stayed on that speeding train, knowing the end was coming. I made myself enjoy the scenery rushing by my window, the cows, the fields, the rivers. And I made myself smile. I made myself forget that I was on a train that was going to crash, no matter what I did. And I held on, blinded myself while letting myself feel.
But now, I cannot close myself to the crash any longer. I can see the wall, you know. That huge concrete wall that the train was heading to? I can see it now. And it's getting harder to focus on the scenery and the rivers and the trees. It's getting harder to smile and say, "Woohoo what a ride!" I'm human after all, irrationally scared of endings of any sort. And that is one hard concrete wall, strong and solid. I know it'll hurt when the train crashes. But I can't really jump off, not now, not after I've stayed on for so long, through the tunnels and over the bridges. So I have to ride it through, till the end. And count the seconds down to the crash.
I only hope it doesn't ruin me. And that I have the strength to get on another train, for another journey, another crash.