I've written before (here and here) about friendships, in an attempt to work through changes. Those words were effective and honest. They still ring true, more than I would like to admit.
But this is different.
This time it isn't just about long distance friendships.
And it isn't just about long gaps between conversations so that it's difficult to figure out if there is common ground.
This time, it is the slow knife-twist of seeing actual events prove one of your worst fears - the best friendships can die.
It is the knowledge that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to understand or be happy for the people you claim to love.
It is the guilt that comes with that knowledge and inability.
It is the imagined feelings of being left out that you struggled with as a child and worked hard at leaving behind, turning into the reality of actually being left behind.
It is being on a road you thought you had company on and then looking around to see that you are on a different road altogether.
It is believing a friendship would last a lifetime only to realise it lasted just a season.
It is trying to reach out across the chasm only you seem to see and finding that there is no one on the other side.
It is wanting to tell your stories to the important people to then understand that they do not care to hear.
It is the excitement of discovery dissipating into the ether because those you thought would feel joy, don't even want to know.
It is parallel lines that will never meet.
Or even worse, lines that intersected once, never to meet again.