Sometimes realization can hit you so hard that you get the breath knocked out of you.
With all the force of a wrecking ball, it slams into the walls of your mind. And before you can even blink, the ideas you once had lie in smithereens around your feet.
That your carefully guarded moat had sleeping crocodiles. That those high walls had weak foundations. That the secrets you held locked up are now everyone's to know. That the diary has been read. That you have changed, irrevocably and irreversibly. That everything you warned yourself against crept up on you.
Worse than all of this, is the realisation that maybe you let it happen. That maybe you wanted it to happen. And that maybe you allowed it to happen.
So what do you do after being sucker-punched right between the eyes?
Make sure no one sees the black eye of course.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Fear
Fear is a crushing emotion. It grips your heart, twists your mind. Worse than the fear of the tangible is the fear of the intangible. The fear of dependency. The fear of loss. The fear of pain. The fear of embarrassment. The fear of ridicule. The fear of fear itself.
When you know what your fear is, you can recognise it, you can deal with it. But when the fear creeps up on you, when it was never there but suddenly is, that's the hardest to cope with. Because then, you didn't know how it happened, and you didn't know when. But it did happen. That thing which you never even bothered about now has it's teeth sunk in you. That fear which was once something you scoffed at, jeered at, now has come back to take revenge.
Fear, dear reader, is something you must protect against. Because fear, can kill. Slowly and painfully.
When you know what your fear is, you can recognise it, you can deal with it. But when the fear creeps up on you, when it was never there but suddenly is, that's the hardest to cope with. Because then, you didn't know how it happened, and you didn't know when. But it did happen. That thing which you never even bothered about now has it's teeth sunk in you. That fear which was once something you scoffed at, jeered at, now has come back to take revenge.
Fear, dear reader, is something you must protect against. Because fear, can kill. Slowly and painfully.
Man is a greedy creature. Always hungry for more. Always wanting, desiring, asking, needing. Never satisfied. Never happy.
He is a fickle creature. Impressionable. The grass is always greener on the other side after all. So he wants what the other one has, not seeing the wonders he already possesses.
And he will do anything to have it. Keep it. Possess it.
And before he knows it, what he had and saved, is lost to him too. Forever.
Because man isn't just greedy. He is also foolish.
He is a fickle creature. Impressionable. The grass is always greener on the other side after all. So he wants what the other one has, not seeing the wonders he already possesses.
And he will do anything to have it. Keep it. Possess it.
And before he knows it, what he had and saved, is lost to him too. Forever.
Because man isn't just greedy. He is also foolish.
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