Lost in translation

I wrote this one last night. Got most of what I wanted out, but still feels kinda incomplete. Oh well...

It was my day to shine
But I was outshone.
My day to be the best
But someone was just better.

I hoped for some assurance
That I mattered.
That I had made a difference.

I hoped for some recognition,
Maybe someone who had realised
That I wasn't the black spot in the background,
But the colour that made the picture.

I hoped to be the notes
that held the symphony together.
Instead,
All I became was a single,
lilting tune,
Lost in the medley.

I wanted to be noticed,
Needed someone to acknowledge
My presence,
But I guess I just faded away,
Got lost
in translation..............

Incomplete.

I wrote this a week or so back. It's incomplete and I don't think I'll be able to finish coz the words aren't coming out right. Definitely one of my worst.

I'm afraid of
The person I've become.
I look back at who i used to be
And wonder,
How it all changed so much.
People came and went.
Some touched my heart
Some left their mark
Others faded
Into the distant haze of my memories.

A dog's life

It has been a long time.. Haven't been writing too much. There have been times when I've wanted to write but I guess I just couldn't find the words.
I wrote this story a while back.. The topic and stuff was given to me and I built the rest of the story.

I watched the red car drive away. I tried following it but it was too fast and there were too many vehicles. I kept screaming out their names, kept saying I was sorry, but they just continued driving. I finally gave up. Out of breath, I watched my family recede into the distance, getting smaller and smaller till I could see them no more.

I was right back where I'd started. They say you always go back to your roots in the end. I guess it was just my time. I walked desolately mulling over why all this had happened to me. Thinking of my life till this moment, the choices I had made, the consequences of those choices...

I was thirsty and I walked off the road and found a puddle. As I lapped the dirty but still refreshing water, I couldn't help but remember my clean, silver bowl back home. But it wasn't my home anymore. They weren't my family anymore.

I was born in a gutter and had two brothers and two sisters. My mother was weak from hunger and had no milk to give us. We could barely open our eyes but we already knew that life was going to be hard. My brothers and sisters died in that very first week, never knowing life or love. My mother tried scrounging for scraps and I ate what little she got. I still wonder why God kept me alive and took away my family.

I had no name; I had no identity. Food was hard to come by and we took whatever we got. It was hard but we got by. I had friends and together we survived.

I can remember every moment of that day when the dreaded Blue Cross van caught all of us. We were bundled into the back of the van and we knew we would never return. I was terrified. I guess everyone was. We were taken to a very somber looking building and put into separate cages. I missed my freedom. But they gave us food and a bath and some long pointy things were stuck into our bodies. The men called them injections. I also heard them say we were "strays" who needed love. I realised that this might not be so bad after all.

The pitiful mewing of a little kitten snapped me out of my reverie. The entire myth of dogs hating cats is just that- a myth. I picked up the little thing as gently as I could and put it in the warmest place I could find. Without realising it, I had wandered into the backalley of a colony near the highway. I found an overturned cardboard box to crawl into and lost myself in my mmories once again.

It was a hot, summer day when the Mishras came to "adopt" a dog. The men had been talking about this all week. They had scrubbed us extra hard and had even brushed our teeth. We all knew it was important occasion. The Mishras were a serious-looking couple and they had a little girl. She was so pretty. They called her Tania and she had the warmest brown eyes I have ever seen on a human.

She must have been about 8 years old and bounded from cage to cage chattering all the while. Mr. Mishra, as the boss called him, had an angular face with square glasses. He told Tania to pick any dog she liked. I could never explain why she chose me. She said I was cute and that I had the best bark among all the dogs.

It was another goodbye as I left the other dogs behind and was taken away by the Mishras. Those were the happiest days of my life. I had a bed, good food, a lawn to play in and the cutest mistress ever. She called me Jackie and I finally had an identity. It was like a candle had been lit in the darkness of my life. I was truly happy.

But I guess it was never in my destiny yo be happy. Mr. Mishra came home one day and announced that he was being transferred to Delhi and that I had to be left behind. My heart sank and Tania burst into tears. I had been with her for almost 5 years and couldn't imagine living without her. The days after that went by in a flash and all I can remember are a lot of boxes and Tania's sad eyes. I remember the arguments she had with her father and her tears soaking my fur. How could I try to cheer her up when I was so sad myself?

And then it was time. Me heart felt like it had been crushed into pieces by a sledgehammer. Tania never stopped crying and Mrs. Mishra had moist eyes too. Their luggage was loaded onto the trucks and I was lying in Tania's lap. I guess I was still in shock and still couldn't believe that I was going to be separated from my family.

It started raining but I wasn't feeling the cold. The box was soaking wet and reminded me of Tania's tears. I was back at the beginning, too heartbroken to start again. I lay there, listening to the steady rainfall and felt the darkness take over. My eyes got blurry and me heart grew cold. I was drifting away on a cloud. I thought I saw Tania and then the darkness engulfed me forever...

"Ramesh, I think this dog is dead. Stupid dogs. We don't get paid to bury stupid dead mutts. Hmph... Ramesh, help me get this thing out of here."

I think it rhymes..

This one also I found while flipping through my book. It's not one of my best and I'm only putting it up coz I think it rhymes a little..

I'm an outcast
Not here nor there
Lost in the crowd
But still alone.
It seems as if
My presence
Is unnecessary
Just a waste of space.
It seems as if my absence
Would ruffle no feathers
Cause no pain
Disrupt no conversations
Life would go on
As if no one had come
And no one had gone..

Memories..

I wrote this poem quite a long time back and just found it as i was going through my books..

My sad memories
Stand out in stark contrast
To the mosaic of my life
Coloured in blacks and greys
They clash with
The happy oranges
Reds, yellows, greens, blues.
I flip through all of them
At will
Like the pages of
A much-thumbed book.
I see each of them like a film in my head.
Sometimes they are black and white
Mostly they are colour.
As the film plays,
As the pages turn,
As I relive those memories,
I wonder how many more
Are to come.
For life is short
And can be snatched away,
In the blink of an eye,
One-tenths of a second.

ummmm... :|

When you find someone who is completely in tune with you; someone who runs on the same wavelength as you do; who understands you better than you understand yourself; someone who doesn't care how you look or dress or smell; someone who loves you in spite of your quirks or rather because of them; someone whom you can call at 2 in the morning if you can't sleep; someone who knows when you are lying; someone who gives you a hug even when you don't ask for one; a person with whom you can talk without thinking twice about it; with whom you never need to worry about being "politically correct"; someone who won't think twice about bailing you out if you get into trouble; you have got to hold on and never let go.. Hold on so tight that nothing will be able to tear you apart. It is so difficult to find someone so important that when you are lucky enough to have this person in your life, you have got to work never to lose it.. Hold on so hard that any storm, any hurricane won't be able to break the precious bond you share. This could be anyone you know, maybe someone you wouldn't expect... It doesn't matter.. What matters is that you have him/her in your life.

just some thoughts..

I was just thinking and came up with this..

Human genius, human emotions and human stupidity are infinite, it is said. But will there come a time in the lifetime of this planet when all the tunes that can be played will be played; when there will be no more tunes to play; when all the possible combinations of all the notes will be found...? Will there ever come a time when everything that can ever be written will be written; when there will be nothing more left to express, nothing more left to be conveyed through words on paper; when there will be no more ideas for books or stories or poems..? Is it possible that maybe one day, there will be no emotions left to feel; no pain, no sorrow, no happiness? Will there come a day when originality and creativity will fade away like old memories or colours on a canvas? Will there come a time when everything will come to an intellectual standstill, when there will be no flow of ideas because it has all been said and done before? Is genius really infinite or for that matter, is anything infinite? Life, love, friendship, happiness, the universe even?