The evening was tinged with sadness. A melancholy that blanketed everything.

Their smiles didn't reach their eyes. The cold was in their bones but they didn't seek warmth in each other. They had none to offer.

They watched the flame of the candle slowly burn down. The light dancing in their eyes, hypnotic, helping them ignore the tension.

They knew the end was near. That it was time to say goodbye.

They didn't have any words left. Nothing to say.

And as they ate in silence, the taste of the food wasted on them, the candle continued to burn.

And then they left.

Together, but far apart. Two souls wrapped in misery, too broken to support each other. Two people playing out a silent charade, a pantomime. Two people with nothing to hold on to anymore.

And so they walked. As a pair but with only their thoughts to listen to. In the cold, wrapped up in their jackets. But what could those do for the cold inside their hearts. Longing to hold each other, they walked, knowing that it wasn't to be anymore.

And then it was time for goodbye. With no words left to say and all the strength they had mustered gone, they stood in the light of the single streetlight looking at each other. Struggling to keep the pieces together, trying to speak with no words, they stood there while the world spun madly around them.

And then the spell broke. The dam crumbled. The strength failed completely. And they left. Each to go their separate ways. Tears betraying them, they walked away. Shells of what they'd once been, facades gone.

Thus the curtain fell. On a story often seen, seldom told.

Some addictions are worse than cigarettes or drugs.

What I'm talking about is addiction to a person. Because what it does is give you expectations. You can't expect anything from cigarettes or from weed. You can't expect alcohol to make conversation. You don't expect heroin to love you back. You can buy all of the above for varying amounts of money.

But an addiction to a person is different. You hope. You wish. You dream. And you expect.

You want reciprocation. You want acceptance. And since the addiction isn't to a something, but a someone, there is a whole set of different ideas and perceptions to deal with. While cigarettes and alcohol do not come with hopes and dreams of their own, human beings do. And while all cigarettes are essentially the same and so is all alcohol, humans, every single one of them, are different. Every single one of them comes with a story, baggage, perceptions and more. With cigarettes and alcohol and all the others, the fix is in your control. But with a person, how can you expect to have any control? And while you can throw away a cigarette, pour the alcohol away or blow the weed into the wind, what do you do with a person, a physical entity?

Some addictions are definitely worse than others. And they don't even come with a cure.

We humans are horribly selfish people. Some more than others. We believe that our lives are the most important and we expect everyone around us to treat us that way. The problem is, everyone is too busy treating their own lives as too important. Then comes that one person who for some reason just isn't as selfish as everyone else, who doesn't believe that his life and opinions are paramount and who thinks that maybe all those others who expect better treatment, maybe do deserve that better treatment.

Thus begins a story we are all too familiar with. This one less selfish than the crowd, patient soul has his/her love and energy sucked out of him/her as those others demand his/her attention and devotion.

"My work is more important." Yes sir. "My life is more important." Yes sir. "My future is more important." Three bags full.

And so ends another story, so is destroyed another soul.

Who's next?

We've all experienced deja vu at some point in our lives. The feeling that what we are going through now has already happened to us before. It's an eerie feeling, no doubt.

Then there is the feeling of knowing that the moment you are experiencing now is a look into your future. Of knowing that this is probably what is waiting for you in some corner of the vast expanse that your life to come. Of knowing that you'll have to learn to deal with exactly this sort of situation because it'll probably repeat itself.

We obsess over the future. And make plans and then decide not to make plans. And contemplate and then decide to let things be. But experiencing a moment of this sort throws us off. It's like looking into a crystal ball and you don't really expect to see anything, but then you do, and it scares you. Because though we try again and again to see what the future holds, the truth remains that we are scared of it. We are funny that way, us humans. Scared of the very same thing we are so desperate to know about.

The fact is that seeing the future in your present is unnerving. Maybe even more than deja vu.

The perfect coffee 14

It's time again for one of those elusive perfect cups. And oh what a perfect cup it was.

The Indian Coffee House, Bangalore. That's where I tasted bliss today. Yes, their coffee could not possible have been disappointing but still. The moment you walk in to the place the smell of coffee overpowers you, surrounds you. And then you sit down at one of the quaint little tables and wait for your cup of coffee to come. When it does come, it is like a small bit of heaven in a cup. It's strong, not too sweet and it's milky also. Best part - it is only Rs. 10.

It made me smile today. When I was feeling down. And that, my friends, it the magic of a good cup of coffee. It makes things better.

Till next time, aloha :)

There is something really scary about knowing how important some people are. How much space they have taken in your life. And how much their absence hurts. It shows that their loss would mean empty spaces and missing pieces.

It is scary knowing that people have made their way in so far that when they leave they will burn their way out. That they will leave trails of destruction in your mind.

But with the fear must also come a calm acceptance. A knowledge that you must be willing to continue wanting and loving, in spite of the pain that is sure to come your way. And only with the acceptance of that sadness will happiness come. I have learnt that accepting that inevitable loss helps make the present happiness sweeter and more important. It makes moments count more. It makes words meaningful. It makes the pain that will come, easier to bear, knowing that the times you had were worth it.

Very few of us reach acceptance. Since it is difficult to understand the need for that inevitable loss and the passage of time.

I'm still getting there. Slowly.

The cycle

I have realized that sometimes people just don't care. Other people don't matter and when the going gets tough, it's time to get going. They will take and take and take some more as long as there is someone to keep giving. They will use and abuse till there is nothing left. They will use guilt and self-depreciation to their advantage and they will get their own way eventually. As long as there is someone else to take the blame, someone who does not know how to say no, these people will live and thrive, like parasites.

But then again, this is what is necessary for balance in the world. For some to be the suckers who give and others to be the victors who take. For the cycle of life to continue and the wheel of time to spin, there has to be balance. So while we beat ourselves up for being horrible people, others will egg us on and make us give more of ourselves so that eventually, there will be nothing left to give and the cycle will continue.

And we will continue making excuses for these people and we will continue to let our souls go to rot, because that, friends, is what life is all about. Give and more give.