Envy

It's not constructed right. And I still have to modify it.

It always hurts when someone gets more attention than you.
It’s childish, and it’s immature
But it still hurts
Envy always creeps in.
And how much ever you want to,
You just can’t stop.
Every negative thought you have,
You regret,
But you can’t stop
And all those old feelings
That you thought you grew out of
That you thought you left behind
Come rushing right back
And they still sting, as much as they did then
All those feelings of insecurity
Which you know mean absolutely nothing
Come right back
You can’t help it
And you hate it
But they’re there..
And they eat you up from inside
Slowly, surely
Little by little.

Serenity

Just a few lines.

Peace, calm, serenity
So unlike life...
Just the sky
And the silent ripples.
Minutes just flow like sand through my fingers
Life floats away on the breeze...

Realisations

I realised something.
I am not the one who's drowning
I am not surrounded by darkness
I don't need a helping hand
I don't need warm brown eyes
I don't need the promises

I am somebody's helping hand
I'm somebody's warm brown eyes
I'm somebody's promise
I'm somebody's support
I'm someone's light at the end of the tunnel
I'm someone's silver lining

And that makes me happy.
To know that I finally mean something to someone
Even though it isn't much
I mean SOMETHING

It's not my place in the puzzle
And it's not my notes holding the symphony together
And it's not my colours making the picture

But its a place till I find a more permanent one
My notes are holding a tune together
And they are making someone's picture

It heartens me that I can be this person
This shoulder,
This support
It gives me hope that I can give someone hope
And it makes me happy that I can make someone happy

As I say goodbye today

I wrote this poem a long time back as a farewell poem for my friends. I meant to put it up when I wrote it but I just never got around to it. It's very normal but it says what I was thinking.

As I say goodbye today
I look back on all the happy times we have had
We shared a lot of laughs
I smile when I remember the goofiness
And all the silly jokes
I wonder if the distance will weaken
The bridges we have built between our hearts
So many fond memories...
The sleepovers we had
The movies we watched
All the gossip
The silly arguments
The secrets we shared.
I close my eyes
And I can still see all the places we used to go to
And all the time we used to waste
I flip through the pictures we took
And I realize that leaving
Is going to be very hard
Every picture
Every memory
Every bad joke
Every random thought
Is going to remain etched on my heart and mind..
I’m preparing to step out into the world
And I will miss the support
That I knew was always there
I will always remember the sound of your laughter
And hope that time and distance
Will not affect the beautiful friendship we shared...
I know that as I grow older
The pictures may fade
And so might the memories
But the love
Will never be erased,
Never diminish
And never disappear...
Goodbye dear friend..
And thank you for everything..

Blah

Man is a desperate creature.
Desperate for attention
Desperate for social contact
Desperate for love
Desperate for acceptance
Desperate for survival
Desperate for anonymity

Music

These are just a few thoughts I had. The lines are cliched and have all been used before, but still.

Music transcends generations, places and languages. It has a language of its own. It can be uplifting or depressing; it can be cruel or romantic; it can be humorous or sad. It can take you with it to a place far away. It can show you people you have never seen. It can tell you tales; it can guide you; it can mislead you. It is love; it is loss; it is pain; it is sorrow. It is about yesterday; it is about today; it is about tomorrow.

...............................

Again a lot of mixed random thoughts. So many things I want to say, no right words and no right way to say them.

There are so many thoughts going through my head. An idea emerges but before I can hold on to it and get it down properly on paper, it vanishes.
So many different people, so many different viewpoints..... Life has changed and I know that in some way, I have changed too. I hold to my viewpoints more fiercely but I am more open to what others think too.
Lessons, experiences, oppurtunities.....
I think more and analyse things too. Would something I say make a difference? Is embarassing myself worth making new friends, making people laugh? Being known as a goofball, always laughing around, loud - I wonder if that is who I am.... But then I answer my own question, that is definitely who i am now. It might not be who I was before, but now.... I like the way I am.
Then again, so much talent, it scares me. I feel inadequate, worthless and very very tiny. I always knew that whatever I was good at, someone would always be better. But actually seeing it happen while I just sat there, lost, was hard. I felt like some sort of a traitor saying I was good at something and then seeing how dedicated someone else was. Seeing someone who loved and enjoyed what they were doing while forgetting everything else, made me feel like I had absolutely no right whatsoever to claim I was good at something.
Well, I'm open to more experiences now and though sometimes I get extremely nervous I think I should just go for it.