We humans are horribly selfish people. Some more than others. We believe that our lives are the most important and we expect everyone around us to treat us that way. The problem is, everyone is too busy treating their own lives as too important. Then comes that one person who for some reason just isn't as selfish as everyone else, who doesn't believe that his life and opinions are paramount and who thinks that maybe all those others who expect better treatment, maybe do deserve that better treatment.

Thus begins a story we are all too familiar with. This one less selfish than the crowd, patient soul has his/her love and energy sucked out of him/her as those others demand his/her attention and devotion.

"My work is more important." Yes sir. "My life is more important." Yes sir. "My future is more important." Three bags full.

And so ends another story, so is destroyed another soul.

Who's next?

We've all experienced deja vu at some point in our lives. The feeling that what we are going through now has already happened to us before. It's an eerie feeling, no doubt.

Then there is the feeling of knowing that the moment you are experiencing now is a look into your future. Of knowing that this is probably what is waiting for you in some corner of the vast expanse that your life to come. Of knowing that you'll have to learn to deal with exactly this sort of situation because it'll probably repeat itself.

We obsess over the future. And make plans and then decide not to make plans. And contemplate and then decide to let things be. But experiencing a moment of this sort throws us off. It's like looking into a crystal ball and you don't really expect to see anything, but then you do, and it scares you. Because though we try again and again to see what the future holds, the truth remains that we are scared of it. We are funny that way, us humans. Scared of the very same thing we are so desperate to know about.

The fact is that seeing the future in your present is unnerving. Maybe even more than deja vu.

The perfect coffee 14

It's time again for one of those elusive perfect cups. And oh what a perfect cup it was.

The Indian Coffee House, Bangalore. That's where I tasted bliss today. Yes, their coffee could not possible have been disappointing but still. The moment you walk in to the place the smell of coffee overpowers you, surrounds you. And then you sit down at one of the quaint little tables and wait for your cup of coffee to come. When it does come, it is like a small bit of heaven in a cup. It's strong, not too sweet and it's milky also. Best part - it is only Rs. 10.

It made me smile today. When I was feeling down. And that, my friends, it the magic of a good cup of coffee. It makes things better.

Till next time, aloha :)

There is something really scary about knowing how important some people are. How much space they have taken in your life. And how much their absence hurts. It shows that their loss would mean empty spaces and missing pieces.

It is scary knowing that people have made their way in so far that when they leave they will burn their way out. That they will leave trails of destruction in your mind.

But with the fear must also come a calm acceptance. A knowledge that you must be willing to continue wanting and loving, in spite of the pain that is sure to come your way. And only with the acceptance of that sadness will happiness come. I have learnt that accepting that inevitable loss helps make the present happiness sweeter and more important. It makes moments count more. It makes words meaningful. It makes the pain that will come, easier to bear, knowing that the times you had were worth it.

Very few of us reach acceptance. Since it is difficult to understand the need for that inevitable loss and the passage of time.

I'm still getting there. Slowly.

The cycle

I have realized that sometimes people just don't care. Other people don't matter and when the going gets tough, it's time to get going. They will take and take and take some more as long as there is someone to keep giving. They will use and abuse till there is nothing left. They will use guilt and self-depreciation to their advantage and they will get their own way eventually. As long as there is someone else to take the blame, someone who does not know how to say no, these people will live and thrive, like parasites.

But then again, this is what is necessary for balance in the world. For some to be the suckers who give and others to be the victors who take. For the cycle of life to continue and the wheel of time to spin, there has to be balance. So while we beat ourselves up for being horrible people, others will egg us on and make us give more of ourselves so that eventually, there will be nothing left to give and the cycle will continue.

And we will continue making excuses for these people and we will continue to let our souls go to rot, because that, friends, is what life is all about. Give and more give.

She cut quite a plaintive figure standing there. A slight girl dressed in clothes too big for her, she stood on the doorstep, one hand on the doorknob and the other in the pocket of her shorts. She watched him walk away and I could see that it was taking immense effort for her not to break down. He turned once and smiled at her. She smiled back at him and blew him a kiss. The moment he turned away, her smile faded. In that moment, watching her watching him, I could see the fear and pain she had been pushing away. In that moment before she could put her mask on again, I could see how much she loved him and the future she could never have.

Then she shook her head and smiled, in control again, weakness buried, fear quelled, if only for a while. She walked inside closing the door behind her.

I gave the door one last look and walked away.

Fools

We are very good at lying to ourselves. At fooling ourselves into believing everything is perfectly fine. At making our mind believe that our lives are just how we want them to be.

We are very good at hiding the truth. We conveniently tide over those things that scare us or we just pretend that they don't exist. We lock away all our doubts and fears so they won't haunt us anymore. We smile and we laugh and we wear our masks in all their glory. We cover cracks and scrapes with glue and tape and pretend that they've been fixed. We hide away the pain and the tears and we tell ourselves that it'll all get better in the end. We fool ourselves. Lie to ourselves. Every day.

Which is why when we see the end coming, we try our best to pretend we don't. When we find ourselves losing control, we clench our fists harder and lie a little more. We rejoice in denial. And revel in illusions.

And then reality hits. At our weakest moments. When we are tired of lying and our hands are too weary to hold up our masks. That's when reality attacks and shows us what we've been trying so hard to avoid. That life isn't fine or happy or okay. Things have gone wrong and people will leave. The end is close and heartbreak is near. That life isn't what we've made it out to be.

Reality bites. And we are left to pick up the pieces.