For once

I wish, for once in my life, I could let go. That for once, I didn’t have to worry or bother about everyone else. That for once I didn’t have to protect everyone else. That for once I didn’t have to be the responsible one.

I wish, for once in my life, I could be the one taken care of. I could be the one who got the hug because I needed it. That I could for once, let go of everything and enjoy myself, like everyone else. That for once people understood that I am not a party-pooper and that I just care a lot. That I want people to be safe. That I don’t see the humour in embarrassing situations. That I care.

I wish, for once in my life, I could be reckless. Without wondering and caring about the consequences. That for once I could do something without thinking about it a thousand times. That for once, I could do something stupid and careless. That for once, I made a story that one day, I could look back and laugh at. That one day, I could do something that I could tell my grandchildren about. That there was one time I did something I wanted to without caring about being a hypocrite or a liar. Without questioning myself.

I wish I could let myself feel. I wish I had it in me to be uninhibited.

I wish, for once I wasn’t the weak link. That I was the foundation, the glue instead. That for once I wasn’t taking charge. That for once there was someone I could count on to catch me if ever I did let go.

For once in my life, I want to be needed. I want to be wanted.

For once in my life, I want to be able to really live. Without judging myself for it.