Rein it in

Rein it in.

Dial it back.

Tone it down.

The world needs none of your effervescence, ebullience, enthusiasm.

It's the age of 140-character expressions, single-sentence status updates, check-ins, emoticons, grammatically incorrect text messages.

Practise your serious face in front of the mirror every day. Indifference is a good look to aim for.

Try an ironic smile. It's all the rage now. Oh and make sure, no teeth. Smiles which light up your eyes will make you look deranged, so must be avoided at all costs.

Keep your emotions in check. No one appreciates your excitement. It isn't fashionable.

Do not rage and rant. It makes you look ugly. And it makes you look like you care enough for something for it to let it affect you. Caring is unnecessary. And tantrums are unflattering.

Do not cry or show sadness to anyone. Use your pillow, the shower. Any sign of vulnerability is an immediate turn off. It shows a lack of depth of character and an inability to show constraint. No one has time for your drama. No one gives a tiny rat's arse.

Effusive declarations of love will serve for immediate and harsh judgement. Expressing desire, passion, love or even fondness is stupid and childish and will be treated as such. It immediately scares people away.

Hide your emotions. Anything that appears human will be treated as weak. Lock it in. Fold all of it in on itself over and over and over again till it becomes a tiny little rolled up ball of emotion which you can swallow and digest. Locking them up into chests in the dark corners of your brain should also help. Apathy is the aim. Self-preservation is the name of the game.

Tone it down.

Dial it back.

Rein it in.